Second Chances
by Irish Story Teller
Summary: Charles Lightoller reunites with a past love. But will the events of the Titanic tear them apart once again?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the _Titanic_ movie characters or the historical figures. I make no money off my fan fics, they are written for entertainment purposes only. Josephine "Josie" Phillips, Ruth and Alexander Phillips and all non-_Titanic_ movie/historical figures are mine and created by me.

**Author's note:** Many thanks go out to madasahatter for beta reading my story for me and helping me out with ideas.

Chapter One

The blaring of the ship's horn could've easily deafened any innocent passerby. Charles Lightoller and William Murdoch found themselves covering their ears but exchanging excited smiles. They were like two little boys on Christmas morning.

This was it; they were officers aboard the greatest ship ever built! They were on _Titanic_!

"Imagine the stories you'll have to tell," William Murdoch said.

"You can write back to your family and lovely wife..." Charles Lightoller's sentence trailed off as he looked over the railing. He could see an endless sea of faces he didn't recognize but there was one that was familiar...

_I don't care what he says Josie; I'll never leave you!_

"Lightoller? Charles?"

Charles was brought back to the reality of the moment by Murdoch who was busy shaking his left shoulder.

"Are you all right Lights? For a moment there you were thousands of miles away," Murdoch said.

"Huh? Yes, I'm...fine." As hard as he tried Charles couldn't make himself sound convincing.

The expression on Murdoch's pleasant face revealed his disbelief. He followed his friend's gaze downward until his blue eyes spotted a young woman dressed in brown holding a straw hat so that it would not go flying away in the breeze. "Isn't she quite the prize?" He remarked.

"Yes," Charles said quietly.

"If you know her go say 'hullo' to her."

Charles found himself looking away as a pained expression crossed his face. "I can't do that. Not after what happened."

Swallowing a comment about making amends Murdoch found himself wondering how to aid and comfort his friend. Glancing over once again he saw the girl there again but this time with two people he assumed to be her parents. An older man was urging the girl and other woman along. There was something about him that Murdoch could not place his finger on, the man was almost... Adjectives failed the Scotsman who thought the father looked very much like a stern figure.

"Why don't you go inside? I'll see the Cap'n," Murdoch offered his friend. Perhaps some time inside where he couldn't see the girl would do Charles good.

~*~*~*~

"They say she is unsinkable," Ruth Phillips commented.

Reaching up she tucked a wayward wisp of her dark hair back into the elaborate and outdated knot it was in. Her sharp eyes were a deep emerald green. For the first day of the voyage she wore a dress that matched her eyes.

Ruth watched as other passengers passed by smiling and tipping their hats. Ruth smiled back at a middle-aged man.

"_Practically_ unsinkable Mama," Josephine corrected. She cautiously placed her hand on her head to keep her hat from falling off. Once she was in America she was buying a new one—one that fit! It both annoyed her and yet amused her at the same time as she was forced to wonder how many other women experienced the same problem.

Josephine herself was the child of an Irish father and an English mother. Her parents had met when her father spent what was to be a brief trip in England. Upon his meeting Ruth he decided to stay.

"Don't talk back to your mother, Josie," Alexander Phillips ordered.

"Sorry Da."

Alexander frowned as they passed another window. "How does one find their way 'round this ship?"

"Ask the stewards, dear," Ruth said.

Alexander made a face but said nothing. His hazel eyes glared at Ruth like daggers.

Josephine began to keep one or two steps behind her bickering parents. Their marriage hadn't always been like that; it had been a good marriage once. But that all ceased on the day Abigail died.

...Abigail had been the older of the two girls and Alexander's favorite though Josephine wasn't far behind.

_At a rather young age Josephine had fallen in love with a sailor and wanted to learn how to swim to be with him. Never mind he was an adult and she a mere child, it didn't matter to her._

_Through fits of laughter fourteen-year-old Abigail agreed to teach her seven-year-old sister how to swim. It was there something went terribly wrong._

_Josephine couldn't recall much of the events of the day. She could remember someone's large hands pulling her out of the water and into a lifeboat. She could recall screaming for her older sister who never resurfaced._

"_A terrible accident and tragedy" they all called it._

_Ruth and Alexander never recovered from the blow and blamed one another. Had one of them been there to watch then perhaps it wouldn't have happened..._

"How does one—oh!" Ruth began to fall backwards and into her daughter's arms. They both came close to falling over and would've had some passing men not intervened.

"Are you all right, ma'am?" One of them asked.

Putting on a smile Ruth nodded to the man, "I haven't quite acquired my sea legs yet. It's been quite a long time since I've last been on a ship."

"It'll come with time ma'am."

It was killing Josephine not to smile as she recalled an incident of her own.

_How does one walk from one end of the ship to the other? Josephine had wondered to herself. And more importantly __how__ long did it take a person to earn their sea legs?_

_She didn't dare hitch up her skirts as she did her best to walk. Perhaps it would be easier if she crawled... The idea of doing so did make her laugh to herself._

"_Are you hurt, ma'am?" A distinguished English voice asked._

_Looking over Josephine saw a man watching her. His hat covered his dark blonde hair. His blue eyes shone out from under the brim that was busy casting dancing shadows across his handsome face. When he smiled politely the cleft in his chin deepened._

"_I still have yet to earn my sea legs," Josephine explained._

"_Then let me help you ma'am." Without any other words he walked up to her and scooped her up into his arms._

_Josephine felt her heart rate quicken at what had just happened but the man smiled kindly at her. She knew she could've slapped him for his behavior but she couldn't raise her hand. She could only look up at him._

"_Where do you need to be?" He asked._

"_Below decks. My parents are waiting for me," Josephine said._

"_Below decks it is then!" He carried her down the steps without an ounce of fear._

_Josephine, on the other hand, was rather frightened and feared him tripping. Her arms tightened around his neck making him chuckle._

"_Never fear, ma'am. I won't let you fall," he said. He decided to change the subject, "I suppose I should ask you your name?"_

"_Josephine Phillips."_

"_Where is your family's cabin located Miss Phillips?"_

"_It's room forty-two-A. And you?"_

"_Pardon?"_

"_Your name sir."_

"_Lightoller. Charles Herbert Lightoller." Charles took a moment to admire his charge. She was a pretty thing, though younger than he. Her hair was a shade of reddish-brown he had not seen in a long time. Her eyes also struck him, as they were such a dark green they were almost black._

"_Josie!" A familiar voice cried out._

"_Mama—" Josephine said._

_Ruth interrupted, "What happened? Are you hurt?"_

"_No, Mama. I was havin' difficulty walkin' and Officer Lightoller helped me by carryin' me downstairs."_

_Charles' attempt at verifying this one fact was cut short by Ruth demanding that he put her daughter down this very instant._

"_Yes ma'am," Charles said. He carefully set Josephine down and would not let her go until he was certain she could stand on her own._

"_Thank you, Officer Lightoller," Josephine said._

_Charles reached out to kiss Josephine's hand. He was about ready to when she was pulled away and he was left kissing the air. Sighing to himself he saw Ruth pulling her daughter down the hall by her wrist as Josephine was frantically explaining that Officer Lightoller's intentions were perfectly noble._

_A friendship quickly blossomed between the two as Charles made it a point of carrying her around everywhere he could. It began with the two of them talking, getting to know every detail about the other._

_He had taken to calling her by her nickname of "Josie."_

_The other sailors teased Charles mercilessly and loudly made bets on how long it would take for him to propose to her._

_Charles quietly took notes at how to get them back._

_The eleven-year age difference didn't appear to bother them as they connected on an entirely different level in just a few short days. It was a level that went beyond just friendship._

"_How will I ever earn my sea legs if you carry me everywhere?" Josephine asked._

"_Fair ladies such as yourself needn't worry 'bout such things," Charles joked._

"_Are you going to carry me around every ship we set foot on? Goodness, people will think we're married!"_

_Charles laughed. "And that's a __bad__ thing?"_

"_Do you carry __all__ the ladies around the decks?"_

"_Only the lovely ones named Josephine Phillips."_

"Josie, would you like to stroll around _Titanic_?" Ruth asked.

"Hmm? Yes, Mama, I would like that," Josephine said.

"Be back in time to change for supper."

"Yes Mama." Turning her back on them Josephine felt as if a two-ton weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She loved her parents dearly but heaven help her they frustrated her to no end! If it wouldn't be so scandalous she imagined they would've gotten a divorce years ago.

Josephine walked away as quickly as she could without looking rude. She pretended to be interested in the architectural style of the ship and admiring the freshly painted walls. Before she knew it she was forced to hold up a gloved hand to her mouth to keep from giggling.

Of all things someone had missed a spot! She could easily see a small patch of wall that had not been painted. Whoever was responsible was most likely to get a long lecture if the missed area were ever discovered by someone in charge.

Glancing to the side she could see women passing by dressed in a rainbow of colors. She reckoned many of the women had worn their nicest clothes for show today and would perhaps do so on their last day aboard _Titanic_. Some people liked to keep up appearances.

"Lookit that!" An excited voice exclaimed. Two young men, who couldn't have been any older than sixteen, were bent over the railing to get a look at the water.

Josephine watched them for a second but also feared that they could easily fall overboard. She feared the railing wasn't high enough and someone could easily get hurt, or worse, fall overboard and drown.

"Gentlemen, you'll want to step back," an officer said. He took the shoulders of both men and pulled them back. "We wouldn't want you falling overboard."

The two looked at one another as if they had been caught doing the exact opposite of what they should be doing. It didn't take them long to run away under the officer's gaze.

The officer turned and hit something solid. It took him only a second to realize he had ran right into a woman passenger. He reached out to steady her all the while apologizing. "Terribly sorry..."

"It's my fault, I wasn't lookin'..." Josephine said as she looked up at the officer.

Charles looked down.

Oh, God.

Those eyes.

"Josie?!"

"Charles?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

The cabins of second class bustled with activity. People unpacking, changing, and trying to find their way around. Many comments about the luxury of _Titanic_ could be overheard. Due to all the chatter one would have to strain to hear an argument in one couple's cabin.

"All I'm sayin' is you should let the girl marry," Ruth argued to her husband. "You've said 'no' to every man who's asked permission to marry her."

"I'm waitin' for the right man to come along," Alexander snapped.

"The right man for _you_! For God's sake, the girl will be twenty-eight next month!"

Alexander held up a warning finger. "If you had your way she would've been the wife of a sailor."

"And what was wrong with what's-his-name? That lad that they called 'Lights'?"

"He wasn't good enough."

"Is any man good enough?"

Alexander didn't answer. He threw his clothes into the hardwood dresser and announced he was going for some air.

For presentation he resisted the urge to slam the door behind him. It still didn't stop him from looking like a thundercloud as he marched down the halls.

Ruth found herself shaking her head after her husband left. Going to the abused dresser she opened up the drawers and re-organized all the clothing.

At least there was a separate room for Josephine. Perhaps she wouldn't have to hear any arguing.

Ruth felt a pang of sadness, Alexander hadn't always been like that. He had been a good and kind man once. A man that constantly smiled and always had a joke to tell. She missed the man she fell in love with.

~*~*~*~

"Josie, what are you doing here—erm—I mean it's pleasant to see you again," Charles sputtered. He desperately wished for anything, anything at all, to get him out of this situation.

"My family is going to visit my aunt in America," Josephine said.

"I hope you enjoy your time with her."

_Conversations shouldn't be this difficult!_ Josephine's mind screamed. It wasn't _their_ fault that things ended up the way they did.

"I must get back to duty, it was pleasant seeing you again Josie," Charles kissed her hand. Without waiting for a response he spun on his heel and walked away leaving her standing there. _I'm such a fool!_ Charles scolded himself.

Josephine wanted to say more but the words did not want to come. She watched his back round a corner and disappear from view.

If only things had been different. If only they would understand...

Looking up towards the area she imagined was the bridge she wondered if Charles still would make a game of sliding from one end of the bridge to the other?

"_Are you certain we're allowed up here?" Josephine asked as Charles led her up to the bridge. It was one of the few times he wasn't carrying her. She held onto his warm hand as he cautiously pulled her along._

"_We won't be in here long," Charles reassured. "This is a game I used to play." He told Josephine to step aside and then walked to one end of the bridge. He made her laugh as he slid from one end to the other without running into any object. "Now you try."_

_Josephine looked uncertain. It was one thing watching someone slide like that but entirely another to try it herself._

"_Don't worry, you won't hurt yourself," Charles reassured. He told Josephine how to place her feet and gave her a gentle shove so she would slide from one end of the room to the other._

_Holding her breath Josephine was soon laughing when she made it to the wall. Taking careful steps she began to walk back to him._

"_It's an art," Charles joked before sliding once again. "I once ran right into my Captain. He was very, very unhappy with me. ...Josie?" The split second he turned to look for her was the moment she crashed into him._

_They both fell to the floor in an ungraceful heap. Somehow Charles managed to untangle his legs and arms from hers._

"_Are you hurt?" Charles asked. He blushed crimson when he realized he was lying on top of her._

"_I'm fine," Josephine laughed, her face was lighting up._

"_You're so beautiful, Josephine," Charles whispered to her. He bent in and kissed her. His heart began to race when she kissed him back._

~*~*~*~

The fates! The world! _Something_ was conspiring against him! Outwardly Charles acted like a proper officer. Inside his mind was beating him over the head. _I've never forgotten you! Marry me! You could've said something! Anything! But noooooo...you had to be a coward and go running away. You fool!_

"Charles?" William Murdoch's voice said.

Turning around he saw Murdoch's kind face looking back at him. "Lights, it's past your time on watch. I've come to relieve you."

Charles raised an eyebrow, "It's that time already?"

Murdoch nodded. "It is. Oh, did you get to talk to that lady you saw this mornin'?"

"I did briefly. I must be off, I'm tired. Cheerio."

Murdoch watched as his friend walked down the steps. It wasn't like Charles to go running away from a conversation like that. Usually Charles would make some brief small talk before leaving. ...And yet if Charles wasn't willing to talk it was like pulling teeth.

_I'll talk to him tomorrow_, Murdoch said to himself. He turned back to the sea and imagined _Titanic_ slicing through the waters like a knife. What he could see was beautiful miles of ocean stretching out before him.

He wished his wife Ada could see this, the ocean beneath his feet and the glittering stars above his head. Murdoch smiled at the precious memories of his lovely wife. He missed her and yet was excited about the experiences he could tell her the next time he saw her. _I'm aboard the _Titanic_ Ada. The most wondrous ship ever built._

Sixth officer James Moody was quietly chatting with Fifth officer Harold Lowe. Earlier Moody had made himself a game of seeing how many of the names of the stars he could remember.

"Good night," Moody said cheerfully.

Lowe muttered something making Moody smile to himself. The man had to be the heaviest sleeper he had ever met. Moody would have to yank off the blankets and sometimes pull away the pillows just to get Lowe to wake up. He once had to threaten to pour cold salt water over the fifth officer to wake him up.

~*~*~*~

Once inside his cabin Charles found it impossible to sleep. His mind simply would not let him rest. He pounded his pillow with a fist as he gave up.

Not knowing what else to do and lacking anything to read Charles decided to get up and get dressed. Maybe a stroll around the ship would help clear his mind.

Perhaps it was more that he had to see _her_. Charles didn't know if he could live with himself by avoiding her until _Titanic_ docked in New York.

Buttoning up his shirt and before he could lose his courage Charles left his cabin in search of Josephine.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Charles checked all of the obvious places first. He checked the dining halls, any open rooms he could think of, and even the not so obvious places. In a ship this big he could easily walk around and not see the same person twice.

Finally he decided to go to the ship's library to try to find something to read. He didn't look up as he opened the doors. Stepping inside his eyes swept around the room.

To his left he spotted a middle-aged man sitting sound asleep in an overstuffed chair. The man's hat was cocked to the side and his arms folded across his chest.

Charles' shoulders shook from barely contained laughter. He hoped his laughter would not end up coming out his nose as a snort. If it were possible to explode from contained amusement he thought he'd be the first to find out.

The gesture made him feel instantly better. He needed that laughter no matter how contained it was.

A few new and old books were strewn across the tables and resting in the chairs.

Glancing around the officer could see a scattering of men and women inside the large room. One woman was busy looking for a book to read while a man was trying to keep his eyes open. He _had_ to find out who the killer was in the mystery novel!

Charles felt his heart stop when the woman at the bookshelf turned around. He felt as if he had swallowed a large rock as his stomach fell to his feet.

Josephine also looked surprised to see Charles standing there opening and closing his mouth like a fish. In her long delicate fingers she held a thin book with a red cover. Setting the book down on the nearest table she approached him. "Mister Lightoller." They both knew the way she addressed him was more for appearances than anything else.

"Miss Phillips," Charles answered and tipped his hat. "Miss Phillips, would you be willing to walk with me?"

He held out his arm, which she took. Charles felt a shiver of excitement run through him as he felt her hand rest in the crook of his arm. "Josie, I need to talk to you."

"Yes, Charles?"

Charles took a deep breath and let it out. It was now or never. "I've never forgotten you, Josie. Even after these years I always remembered you. I'm sorry about what happened to us and what your father did."

"It was wrong of him," Josephine agreed.

_Threatening to have me dismissed for something I didn't do, yes that's wrong,_ Charles thought.

Josephine continued, "I told them and wrote letters telling them that you were a perfect gentleman the entire time and never did anything to hurt me."

"It wasn't just that."

"I went off that ship kicking and screaming."

Despite the seriousness of the situation Charles had to smile at the mental image he received. His smile melted away from his face as he recalled that night.

_Charles' heart was beating rapidly in his chest. He could hear each_ _thump of his heart in his temples and guessed it was so loud they could hear it all the way back in England._

_He had dressed in his best and cleanest uniform and checked himself several times over until he was completely satisfied with how he looked._

_It was now or never._

_Despite his stomach tying itself into a square knot Charles had a warm smile spread across his face. He found cabin forty-two-A and knocked on the door._

_It was then Charles felt his hands begin to tremble terribly. He shoved his hands behind his back just as the door opened._

"_Good evening, Mister Phillips. Might I have a word with you tonight?" Charles recited as rehearsed. Secretly he was proud of the fact that he kept his voice from cracking._

_Alexander stepped aside to let the officer in. He was less formally dressed in a deep red shirt and dark trousers. "What do you want to have a word about mister..."_

"_Lightoller, sir. Charles Herbert Lightoller."_

"_Mister Lightoller?"_

"_Well, Mister Phillips, I've come to ask your permission."_

_Alexander folded his arms across his chest. "It must be somethin' serious then if you want me permission."_

"_It is, sir."_

"_Out with it lad!"_

_This wasn't exactly going as Charles had hoped. Mister Phillips was far more blunt and to the point than Charles had imagined. Swallowing hard Charles continued, "I know I haven't much sir, but what I have is a heart. I care very much for your daughter Josephine. I come to ask for your permission to ask your daughter to marry me."_

_Alexander raised an eyebrow. Was this shaking boy serious? "No."_

_Charles looked as if he had been slapped across the face. "No, sir?"_

"_You heard me lad. I said no."_

"_But, why sir?"_

"_Because I said so."_

"_Is it because I have little money in my pocket? I may not have much but I have love in my heart and the desire to make your daughter happy."_

"_And I say as long as I live you aren't marryin' me daughter."_

_Tears threatened to flow down Charles' face. He felt as if the man had stabbed him through the heart with a letter opener. Blinking back the stinging tears Charles nodded and stormed out of the room. He kept the brim of his hat pulled down low so no one could see the pain in his eyes._

_The next morning Josephine had found Charles. Carefully she explained what her father had allowed her to be told and Charles filled in the blanks. They sat together in silence for what felt like an hour until Josephine spoke up and promised she'd marry him even if they had to elope to the farthest country that they could find._

_She the next time they docked she would be getting off the ship with him. Her parents would forgive her in time._

_They sealed their promise with a kiss._

_They would've gotten away with it too had not Alexander caught word of their plot. He tried to threatening Charles into leaving them alone. He threatened reporting Charles with committing inappropriate acts and not behaving properly around his daughter. When Charles refused to back down Alexander had Josephine carried off the ship once it docked. The unfortunate men wondered what they had gotten into as she hollered in their ears, punched, and kicked at them all in an effort to get free._

_They would've been more than happy to let this living banshee go had not been for Alexander's stern glare._

"Charles?"

"Yes?"

"I never forgot you or our promise."

In that moment Charles wanted to kiss her. Glancing around he was struck with an idea. "Come with me!" Charles seized her hand and trotted with her down the halls.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see." Charles couldn't help but smile as he glanced back at Josephine.

Passengers gasped and exchanged confused looks at the sight of an officer of the _Titanic_ running down the halls while holding the hand of a female second class passenger.

Two women began to question and gossip to one another when the two passed them.

"They don't look related," the first woman said.

"I thought White Star Line didn't allow officers to bring their wives on board..." The second woman mused.

"Do you think they're married?"

"Why else would they be acting that way? They must be! It would be scandalous if they weren't! Positively scandalous!"

~*~*~*~

The room Charles had in mind was still thankfully unoccupied. "This room was for a family but they canceled at the last moment," Charles explained as he opened the door.

"Are we allowed in here?"

"No, but no one needs to know." Glancing one last time over his shoulders he gently nudged Josephine inside the room.

Josephine could barely make out the shapes of objects in the darkness. It was almost impossible to see in the darkened room. If Charles hadn't been holding her hand she would've wondered where he had gone to.

"The lights are around here...somewhere...ah-ha!" Charles muttered. He smiled proudly when the room was bathed in a gentle glow. "Come, sit with me."

Charles escorted Josephine over to a couch that was as uncomfortable as it was beautiful. _Deck chairs are more comfortable than this_, Charles thought.

The look on Josephine's face told him she was thinking something similar.

"Josie...Josephine, there's something I must ask you," Charles started as he turned to face her. His callused hands slid into her delicate hands. "Did you really mean it when you told me you didn't forget about me or our promise?"

"Yes," Josephine said. "I've never forgotten."

"Is it too late to make that promise come true?"

"It's never too late Charles."

Charles slid off the sofa and onto one knee. He still held onto Josephine's hands as he looked up into her eyes. "Then marry me Josephine Phillips. Marry me once we reach New York. I don't have much or a ring but—"

"Charles," Josephine interrupted.

"Yes?"

"Ring or no ring I'll marry you in New York."

Charles smiled a large smile. His blue eyes were lit up by a combination of happiness and excitement. "Oh Josie, I love you! I've never stopped loving you."

"And I love you Charles," she laughed a little when he seized her into a tight hug. Her laughter stopped only momentarily when she realized she couldn't breathe.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

"Ruth, where is that girl?" Alexander demanded. "It's late and she's nowhere to be seen."

"She'll turn up," Ruth stated matter-of-factly from the chair she was sitting in. She didn't look up from her knitting. "There are people to help her if she gets lost. Besides, you're going to wear a hole through that floor if you keep up that pacing."

"I hope she's not hurt."

"She's a grown woman, Alexander. If she were to scream for help dozens of men would come rushing to help her."

"It's..."

"What Alexander?"

"I've got a bad feelin'. Somethin' is not right 'bout this," Alexander began to look worried again. "I've been feelin' it for the past few days but it's gotten stronger. If somethin' were to happen I want you and Josie to get onto a life boat and get away to safety."

Ruth could only stare at her husband.

~*~*~*~

"I have an idea," Charles commented.

"What is it?" Josephine asked.

"Tomorrow is Sunday, right?"

"Yes."

"Isn't it good luck to be married on a Sunday?"

Josephine thought about that. She had never heard that idea before but it wouldn't surprise her. "Is there a pastor on board _Titanic_?"

"I believe so but I believe Captain Smith is also ordained. I shall talk to him tomorrow. In the meantime I suggest we get out of this room before we're discovered."

Charles took Josephine's hand again as he escorted her out of the room. He ducked back in for a moment to turn out the lights. Charles yawned, "Excuse me, I'm more tired than I thought I was."

Smiling to herself Josephine shook her head. "Then you should get to bed. You won't be any good falling asleep on duty."

"Nagging me already, are we?" Charles joked. He looked down to Josephine who was smiling back up at him.

"And what kind of wife-to-be would I be if I didn't start naggin' my husband-to-be early on?" Josephine shot back.

"Do you have any idea how silly that sounds?"

"Oh, go to bed."

Charles laughed again. He felt his spirits rise even more if that were possible. The laughter he was engaging in was so good for his soul.

Charles raised his fingers and caressed Josephine's cheek. He enjoyed the feeling of her smooth skin against his fingertips. "Good night, Josie," Charles whispered to her. He ignored anyone passing by and bent in to kiss his wife-to-be. If anyone gasped in surprise or made any comments he failed to hear them. "I love you, Josie," he whispered against her lips once the kiss had ended.

"I love you, Charles," Josephine whispered back.

"Good night then."

"Good night."

Charles felt as if he were walking in the air, he could barely keep his feet on the ground. If he could get away with it he'd run through the decks screaming. It was funny what love does to a person.

~*~*~*~

Josephine kept smiling until Charles was out of sight. This was it; she was going to marry Charles tomorrow come hell or high water.

She spun around on her toes and found her way back to her cabin. "Mama? Da? Is anyone in 'ere?"

"We're in here, dear," Ruth responded.

Josephine half skipped, half walked into the area.

"My, you're in a wonderful mood tonight," Ruth remarked.

"And what's there not to be happy about Mama? It's a beautiful night out, people are happy, and we're aboard the _Titanic_!"

"Just _how much_ sugar do they put into the food?" Alexander remarked to his wife. He laughed when Ruth smacked him across the arm.

"Speaking of happy moods I'm glad that you two are in one. I'm goin' to pick out my Sunday best and then retire for the evenin'."

"You do that, Josie," Alexander said after his daughter's retreating form. "If only we could capture that energy she has right now and bottle it."

~*~*~*~

"Will!" Charles called out. He didn't know what drew him to the bridge but he had to ask his friend his question not now but _right now_.

William Murdoch looked surprised to find Charles come running towards him. "What are you doing up so late? Aren't you tired?"

"Yes, but that's not important."

"What is it, Lights?"

It took a few tries for Charles to get his words out, "Will, I want you to be my best man."

"Best man for what?"

"I'm getting married Will! Josie told me she'd marry me!"

"That's wonderful! But...who's Josie?"

"Do you remember that girl that you said 'isn't she the prize'? That's Josie and she agreed to marry me!"

"When are you getting married?"

"Tomorrow!"

"But that's so soon."

"I know but I've been waiting years to be able to ask her to marry me."

"That's wonderful, I'm so happy for you!" Murdoch found himself laughing as Charles seized him in a tight hug. Giving his friend a light pat on the back he continued, "And, yes, I will be your best man. Now go to bed and get some sleep. We can't have the groom falling asleep at his own wedding."

"Yes, _Dad_," Charles walked past James Moody at a quick pace. He shouted making the younger man jump, "I'm getting married!"

Moody blinked. Once. Twice. "What just happened Mister Murdoch?"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Charles was still sleepy when Sunday came. He blamed it both on his lack of sleep and his excitement. He dressed as quickly as he could, then went in search of Captain Smith before the Captain began Sunday service.

"Captain, I must ask you something very important," Charles said as he caught up with Captain Smith.

"What is it, Mister Lightoller?" Captain Smith asked.

"Captain, can you marry someone? There's a lady and..."

"Congratulations Mister Lightoller."

"Thank you Captain...How did you know, sir?"

"I heard your shout last night." Captain Smith forced back a smile as Charles blushed crimson.

"Terribly sorry, sir."

"No need to apologize, Mister Lightoller. I was once in the same position you are in. Get your bride, your witnesses, and meet me in the chapel after Sunday services."

"Yes sir, thank you sir."

~*~*~*~

Josephine found herself a dark blue dress that would work for her wedding dress. It was more of a tea dress but it was one of her best dresses. It was a dark blue with a lighter blue sash and a white front inset. Three layers of cotton fabric, they couldn't afford chiffon, served as overskirts. It may not match her eyes but it would match Charles'.

It took some searching but she found her matching hat. "Too much stuff, too much stuff," Josephine said to herself. "I have no idea how the wealthy manage to keep track of their clothin' and everythin' that goes with it."

Finding the most flattering hairstyle was a most involved project in Josephine's opinion. She wanted to look her best on her wedding day.

"Josie, you aren't dressing for royalty, come on out for breakfast," Ruth announced through the door.

"I'll be right there, Mama!"

Josephine could almost hear her grandmother now: _vanity is a sin..._

Giving herself one last glance in the mirror Josephine adjusted her hat and went out to face the morning.

"Aren't you all dressed up this mornin'," Alexander commented.

"I wanted to look nice today. It is Sunday," Josephine said.

"Don't you just hate it when she's right?" Alexander joked to Ruth.

"I'm very happy to see you both on friendlier terms," Josephine said. She didn't dare mention Charles Lightoller for fear of spoiling the mood. She didn't like hiding information from her parents, especially something as important as her only wedding. She feared if she told them they would react badly and Charles would be dismissed from White Star Line.

"Ruth, does the Captain or a priest give Sunday service?" Alexander asked suddenly.

"A steward told me that Captain Smith gives service to the first class and a priest gives us our service."

"After Sunday service I need to take care of something," Josephine said.

Her parents wordlessly nodded their understanding though they both wondered what was so important for her to go running off like that.

~*~*~*~

"I am pleased to see you all here today," the priest kindly said to the crowd. "The Lord has certainly blessed us this glorious day."

Alexander sat next to Ruth with his back perfectly straight. Every once and a while he would give the occasional glance at his wife and daughter.

Josephine was neatly stuck between her mother and a middle-aged Irish woman. The Irish woman reminded Josephine of her beloved great-grandmother. If the woman had dark hair they could've easily passed as sisters.

"Let us sing," the priest said.

~*~*~*~

Captain Smith kept one hand neatly behind his back as he led the men and women before him in song. He could hear the pianist playing away and the music sounded better than it had ever sounded before. He felt his chest swell with pride.

Perhaps today was truly a blessed day.

~*~*~*~

Once services ended Alexander whispered to Ruth to go ahead without him and he would catch up to her in about an hour.

"I'll be on the deck," Ruth said.

Alexander gently squeezed Ruth's hand. "I'll see you then." He slowly climbed to his feet and nervously approached the priest. "Excuse me, Father."

"Yes, my son?" The priest said.

"Might I have a word wit' you?"

"Of course my son."

"Forgive my language father but I have been an absolute bastard to my family. I wish to confess and make amends."

Josephine took advantage of the few moments distraction. "I'll return shortly, Mama."

"Be good, dear," Ruth gave her daughter a kiss on the cheek.

"I will Mama."

~*~*~*~

Captain Smith was busy writing down all of the information needed as Charles nervously balanced on his heels in the chapel. The Captain found himself trying not to smile. Of course he had experienced the same hybrid of excitement and nervousness when he married, as did Murdoch, Wilde, and any other man who married for love.

Charles' heart fluttered when he saw Josephine enter the chapel. The butterflies in his stomach returned in mass quantity. How those things managed to multiply so quickly he'd never know.

Josephine was practically knocked over by the opulence of the chapel. She had never seen such a highly decorated room. "My goodness, this is..."

"Come in, Miss Phillips," Captain Smith said before he could break out into laughter. He, too, had been stunned silent by the beauty of the chapel the first time he saw it.

It made him almost regret choosing to retire after this voyage.

Almost.

The men at the door knew she wasn't first class but were informed to let her in anyway by Captain Smith. They did so without complaint though wondered what exactly was going on.

"You look beautiful," Charles told Josephine as he took her hands into his. Smiling, he brought her before Captain Smith.

William Murdoch was the next to enter with Henry Wilde in tow. "Where do you want us to stand Cap'n?" Murdoch asked.

"To the left, please gentlemen." Captain Smith looked at the happy couple and smiled again.

Charles was surprised to say the least that Henry Wilde had joined the small party. He was even more surprised that Wilde looked happy to see him. They didn't particularly get along after Charles was bumped down in rank when Wilde was assigned to the _Titanic_. Charles didn't voice his annoyance but they both knew it was there.

"Congratulations Mister Lightoller," Wilde said sincerely.

"Thank you, sir," Charles answered.

Captain Smith kept on smiling, "...We are gathered here today to witness..."

One word melted into the next as Charles kept his eyes on Josephine. He answered his "I do's" when the time came. He smiled when Josephine did the same.

"Charles Lightoller, kiss your bride," Captain Smith finished.

Charles removed his hat with one quick motion before leaning over to kiss Josephine. She kissed him back and it was as if the world had melted away. No one else was in the world except for the two of them.

Wilde and Murdoch exchanged happy looks and smiles as they clapped for the newlyweds.

This was the first marriage aboard _Titanic_ and Murdoch hoped it wouldn't be the last.

"I do not believe we are supposed to be here, Alexander," Ruth said as she hung onto her husband's arm.

"There's no harm in takin' a peak," Alexander reassured. "If they tell us to leave when we'll leave. Oh look, a wedding...Oh dear God! Is that Josephine?!"

The doormen exchanged confused looks as Alexander marched towards them. Ruth was forced to chase after her wayward husband.

Both of the doormen ducked out of the way as Alexander approached like a man marching off to war. He didn't wait for them to open the doors as he threw them open. "Josephine, what's goin'—You! I remember you!" Alexander pointed at Charles.

"What's the meaning of this?" Captain Smith demanded.

"I'd like to know the same Captain, I'd like to know the same."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

"Da, Charles and I are married," Josephine explained after the retreating form of her father. She was grateful that he had decided not to make a scene in the chapel but rather saved it for his cabin.

"Not when we step foot on New York you're not. You're to forget that man," Alexander snapped.

"Then I'm not leaving _Titanic_," Josephine said. "So help me I've never disobeyed you or Mama before but this time I am! I can't draw lines in my heart."

"He's eleven years older than you! He's too old for you!"

"You're fifteen years older than Mama!"

Alexander advanced upon his frightened and angry daughter. "You are not to speak that way to me again, daughter."

"I love Charles and nothing's going to change that. You loved Mama, you've got to understand."

"I understand but he's not best for you."

"Who are you to say what's best for me and what isn't?"

"Don't make me drag you through a divorce, daughter."

"I'm not leaving a ship without him again, Da." Josephine turned around and left her father standing there in the middle of the room.

Alexander followed her but stopped at the doorframe. "Josie! Josephine Annabelle Phillips! You get back here this instant, girl!" He knew she heard him...as did half the deck. He was not looking forward to answering the questions he would receive.

Charles had just prepared himself for a yelling when he heard a knock on his cabin door. "Come in," he said, bracing himself for the worst. He mostly expected Alexander on the other side of that door ready to give him the tongue lashing of the century.

"Charles..." Josephine came into the cabin. She kept her head down as she shut the door behind her.

"Josie, what is it?" He stretched out his arms when she came running into him. Her hat hit him squarely in the face but he made no mention of it. He was more concerned with his trembling new wife.

"Charles, I think I just told my own father off." She wrapped her arms tightly around Charles' chest, burying her face into his neck.

"It's all right Josie," Charles soothed. He gently removed her hat to stroke her soft hair. "It'll be all right..."

"I—I told Da I wouldn't leave _Titanic_ without you," Josephine managed to say.

Charles kissed the top of Josephine's head. He felt guilty for pushing for a Sunday wedding. If they had waited until _Titanic_ arrived in New York or they were back in England...

...But could it have been avoided at all? Somehow Alexander and Ruth Phillips would've found out about the wedding.

"He'll forgive us, Josie," Charles said.

He was about to say more when there was another knock on the door. Lovely! Just what he needed! "Stay behind me," Charles instructed. By now he was imagining Alexander to be standing on the other side of the door with a knife high above his head waiting for just the opportune moment to plunge it into Charles' beating heart.

Sucking in a deep breath Charles opened the door and waited for the knife to fall.

To his surprise Ruth stood on the other side. "Mister Murdoch told me where your cabin was," she explained. In her hands she held a large hat box that had recently been repaired.

"Yes Missus Phillips," Charles said.

"I can't approve of what you and Josie have done but here," Ruth shoved the hatbox into Charles' arms. It was far heavier than he imagined it to be. What did Ruth put in here? Bricks?

"What is it Missus Phillips?"

"Things you and Josie will be needin'."

"Mama," Josephine said. She trotted to Charles' side. "I'm sorry if I hurt you and Da."

"Don't apologize for love, dear. Your father will forgive you both in time. I must go before he starts wonderin' 'bout me. Good day."

"Good day Missus Phillips," Charles quietly said. Passing the hatbox to Josephine he closed the cabin door. He watched as Josephine placed the hatbox on the floor next to the bed. He could tell she wasn't feeling up to looking through it right now. "That was very kind of your mother."

"Yes it was," Josephine agreed.

"We'll get through this Josie," Charles said as he went to her. He took her hands in his causing her to look up at him. "We'll get through this together, I promise."

~*~*~*~

Charles didn't want to go on duty but had little other choice. He had a wife to support now. He had told Josephine he would ask the Captain to send a steward down to escort her around the ship. He did this for her protection, as he feared Alexander doing something drastic to tear them apart again. If there was someone around to help her it would be less likely that he would try anything.

Stepping out onto the deck he was blasted with a gust of cold air that made him shiver.

Looking out over the ocean he was amazed by how calm the water was. If he didn't know better he would've thought _Titanic_ was sailing on a sheet of glass. While this was nice it was also dangerous because the icebergs would be difficult to see. Normally they would see the icebergs by watching for the water lapping up them but here he could see very little. It didn't help that there was no moon out.

It was the lookouts his heart went out to. He was cold but they must be frozen solid.

He took the moment to enter the bridge in hopes of warming up. He adjusted his gloves as he approached Captain Smith.

"I believe it is one degree above freezing." Charles remarked to everyone and yet no one.

"It is very cold," Captain Smith responded.

"I've never seen such a flat calm."

"It's like a mill pond. Hardly a breath of wind."

"It will make the 'bergs harder to see, sir."

"Yes, it will. Keep a look out, I'm going to retire for the evening. Let me know if anyone has the slightest doubt."

"Yes sir."

Charles split his time between being outside and then going into the bridge in hopes of warming up. He guessed this would certainly wreck havoc on his body and mind. Was it dangerous to go outside and then back in? Charles wondered. He hoped he wouldn't wind up catching a cold.

Being inside made him sleepy but outside made him freeze. _Some choice I have_, Charles thought sarcastically.

"Lights."

Charles turned to find Murdoch standing a few feet away from him.

"Lights, have you seen the binoculars for the look outs?" Murdoch continued.

"I haven't seen them since Southampton, Will."

Murdoch frowned. The lookouts were certainly going to pitch a fit about this. "Go get some rest, Lights."

"Will?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for being my best man."

Murdoch smiled kindly, "You're welcome Charles."

"Right, I'm off. Cheerio," Charles gave a small wave to Murdoch as he approached the stairs.

The walk back to his cabin was quiet and uneventful. In the back of his mind Charles had been building up all these elaborate happenings that he thought could or could not happen. _You're being paranoid! You're more of a woman than Josie!_ Charles' mind screamed at him.

Glancing down both ends of the hallway Charles opened his cabin door. "Josie..."

Josephine stopped unpinning her hair to look over at him. She looked rather comical with half her hair still pinned up and the other half spilling down her back.

Charles smirked at the sight.

"Aren't you frozen?" Josephine asked as she resumed removing some of the pins.

"Just about," Charles said. "I'm surprised you haven't traveled around the ship tonight."

"It's too cold."

"You will receive no argument from me." Charles hastily pulled off his gloves and rubbed his hands in an effort to warm them up. He quickly gave up in that endeavor and embraced his wife, pressing his lips against Josephine's. His lips were cold but gradually began to warm as if she were breathing new life into him.

Charles reached up with one hand to touch her face. The other gently stroked her hair. In a joking gesture he pulled the last remaining few pins out of her hair, even as he kissed her again, more passionately than before.

Josephine's giggling cut the kiss short. "Goodness, your skin is cold," she said.

"I kiss you and you say something like that? If you're going to be _that_ way about it I won't let you have your hair pins back," Charles forced mock hurt in his voice. He kept his hands behind his back to keep Josephine from retrieving them.

"You are worse than my own sister!"

"Keep it up and I'll never give them back. Besides, I like you with your hair down. It makes you look even lovelier."

"Charles you are such a..." Josephine got close enough to him but did not try to take the hairpins from him like he anticipated. Instead she did the last thing he expected.

She tickled him.

"Ack! Stop! I surrender!" Charles squawked. He handed her her hairpins immediately to get her to stop tickling him. She stopped temporarily and then started her assault on him again until he managed to seize her in a tight hug with her arms pinned at her sides.

"Charles?"

"Hmm?"

"How old are we?"

"Old enough."

"Then why are we behavin' like children?"

Charles thought about that. Slowly an evil smile spread across his face, "You started it."

"I did not!" Josephine tried to sound flustered but failed miserably. Glancing down she could see her arms were still pinned at her sides. "Are you going to let me go?"

"Never," Charles said. "I'm never letting you go again."

"Will you at least let my arms go?"

Charles eyed her warily, "Do you promise not to tickle me again?"

It was Josephine's turn to grin evilly, "No."

Rolling his eyes towards the ceiling Charles released his grip just enough to Josephine could move her arms. "Impossible—mmph—" Charles was cut off by Josephine throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him deeply.

~*~*~*~

_Titanic's_ engines were practically a lullaby to Charles as he drifted off to sleep listening to the sound of them. He slept on his back with his head turned to the side. One arm was thrown around Josephine as she slept.

Josephine had already fallen asleep listening to the rhythmic beating of Charles' heart.

It was a tight squeeze for the two of them sleeping on the same small bed but they made it work. Charles half jokingly thought he was going to write White Star Line telling them that they needed to make bigger beds for the officers.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Charles was jarred awake by the sound of _something_ scraping along the hull of the ship. That noise chilled his blood as he wondered what they had hit. His heart pounded faster at the fear of the hull of the ship being damaged.

The noise had also woken Josephine. "Charles, what was that?" She asked sleepily.

"I don't know. Wait here." Not even bothering to put on a robe Charles left his cabin still in his pajamas.

He noticed the questioning looks of other passengers and crewmembers. Some of them were probably also surprised to see him walking down the hall in only his nightclothes. They'd have to get over their scandalized opinions as something much more important was taking place.

When Charles made it to the bridge he noticed Murdoch looked pale. "Will, what happened?"

"We struck an iceberg, Lights," Murdoch quietly answered. "I've shut the watertight doors and we're waitin' to hear back from Mr. Andrews. Go back to your cabin, I'll send for you if I need you."

Charles nodded. He didn't want to leave but felt as if he had no other choice. There wasn't anything he could do right now other than wait.

"Charles, what happened?" Josephine asked once he re-entered his cabin. She was sitting up in bed, watching his every move.

Charles sighed, "Mister Murdoch told me we struck an iceberg."

"What do we do?"

"We wait."

The look on Josephine's face told Charles that she didn't get it and she didn't like it. He went to her and cupped her face in his hands, "It'll be all right, Josie. I won't let anything happen to you."

~*~*~*~

"Lightoller! Lightoller!" Came Officer Pitman's frantic shout from the other side of the door. He banged on the doorway with all that he had, it sounded as if he were hitting it with an eight pound cannon ball. "Lightoller, get dressed and get to the bridge right now! The Captain says we have to load life boats!"

"Oh hell," Charles muttered under his breath. He looked to Josephine, "Put on your warmest clothes and your coat. There should be life jackets in the closet."

"What about you?" Josephine asked.

Charles was busy pulling a sweater over his head, "Don't worry about me. I want you on the first life boats they launch."

"Isn't it safer on the ship?" Josephine threw her tea dress back on along with a coat that her mother had given her. Earlier she had found it neatly folded up in the hatbox along with some other trinkets. If she could she'd come back for the trinkets, right now she had to listen to her husband.

She was about to pin her hair up when Charles stopped her telling her there wasn't enough time. She'd have to go out there with her hair down.

If this were what he thought it was people would be talking about a lot more than a woman whose hair freely hung to her waist.

Josephine was able to grab her hat seconds before Charles called her over.

Charles helped her get into her life jacket and instructed her where to go until they started lowering the lifeboats.

Josephine argued that she wanted to stay with him but he would have none of that.

"Josie, please, it's too dangerous," Charles said. "I know I promised we'd stay on the ship together and it breaks my heart to break that promise but I need you to be safe. I can't do my job if I'm worrying about your life hanging in the balance. Please Josie."

Josephine's arms slid around Charles as she drew him into a hug. "Promise me we'll find one another in New York."

"I promise Josie," Charles said. In the back of his mind he prayed that he was not to be made into a liar.

~*~*~*~

Inside Josephine could see people of higher rank and privilege standing around. She recognized some of the people from second class though most everyone was a stranger to her.

Under better circumstances she would've laughed at the looks other passengers gave her. She also would've laughed at her own amazement of the grand staircase.

She also knew most of the reason she was standing here was because she was an officer's wife. She doubted she'd be allowed into first class accommodations any other way.

"We need women and children up on deck please," an authoritative voice said.

The men followed along side their women anyway as the crowd moved towards the deck.

In the distance Josephine could see Charles giving out orders. He and the others were frantically working on getting the lifeboats ready. It was then Charles turned towards the crowd. "Everyone come closer, please," he said as he motioned for people to come forward. "Gather 'round me. That's it. At the moment I will only be requiring women and children."

His blue-eyed gaze fell on Josephine who looked back at him. "Women and children, please," he repeated.

Two younger men in uniform started to help women into the lifeboats.

"Come along, love," one of them said.

Charles held out his hand to Josephine, "Josie..."

She took his hand and he pulled her close. "Charles, there aren't that many boats here."

"I know," Charles said as a pained look crossed his face. "I need you to get into that boat. Now, Josephine."

"I love you, Charles," Josephine said. She kissed him for as long as she could before strong hands took hold of her wrist and pulled her towards the boat.

"And I love you, Josie. I'll try to find your parents and get them into a lifeboat. I'll see you in New York, I promise!" Charles held onto her cold hand until she was seated in the boat.

Next to her came the same Irish woman she had sat next to during services.

"Lower away!" came a shout. It wasn't Charles' voice.

The sudden jolt made many of the people in the boat shriek in surprise and fear. If the men heard it they pretended not to notice.

"Lower away!"

~*~*~*~

"Officer Lightoller!"

"Yes? What is it?" Charles asked the young sailor.

"They're sayin' the _Carpathia_ has heard our distress call!"

"Praise God!" The relief Charles felt flooding through him was to be short lived as the sailor continued on, "She'll be here in four hours."

The blood drained from Charles' face. "Four hours?! We'll be at the bottom of the ocean by then!"

In the distance there was a shout followed by screaming. Charles ran away from the sailor to see what had happened. When he arrived he saw several men try to force their way into a lifeboat. "Get out! Get out of there!" Charles ordered. He pointed his gun at them to drive the point home.

Reluctantly the men did as the officer ordered. They all eyed Charles warily as they feared he would shoot them.

But Charles wasn't done, "Get back! Get back I say or I'll shoot you all like dogs!" He moved his arm across the crowd, which recoiled in fear. "Order! We will have order here!" He then turned to Harold Lowe while hoping the men wouldn't try to ambush him in this moment of distraction. "Mister Lowe, man this boat."

"Yes, sir," Lowe quietly said. "Right! Is everybody all right? Now nobody panic!"

Looking down Charles began to load his gun. He didn't want to shoot anyone but knew he might have to. People were desperate and chaos was beginning to set in.

_Lord, please let Josie be safe,_ Charles prayed.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

"Row, damn you all! Row! Your jewels mean nothin' now!" The Irish woman shouted in a very unladylike fashion. All she had been taught on behaving like a lady went right out the window and instinct took over.

The women in the boat stared at this bold Irish woman. The two sailors didn't try to argue with her...yet.

"You scream about goin' back for survivors and you scream about rowin' a boat! Make up your minds!" Josephine added. She cried out when the lights aboard _Titanic_ flickered and then went out. "Oh God, Charles!"

The Irish woman seized Josephine's head and pressed it against her shoulder. "Don't look at it, girl. Don't look."

~*~*~*~

Charles' heart stopped at the horrible noises he heard. He had witnessed cables snapping but the worst was yet to come.

A sudden jerk of the ship sent him sprawling to the ground. It took him only a second to see William Murdoch lose his balance and fall overboard in the chaos.

"No! Please God, no!" Charles screamed. He instinctively stretched out his arms in a vain attempt to reach his friend.

He sensed he had to get off the ship and get off it _now_. Getting to his feet he took a few running steps and jumped into the freezing water. Charles tried to swim to the surface when he felt something tugging at him. He feared he was trapped in the suction the ship was creating.

His arms stretched outwards as he tried to free himself from the suction and the cables that danced around him like broken snakes.

_Please God, don't let me die! Don't make me into a liar_, Charles prayed as he tried to free himself from the strong grip of the cables. _Forgive me, Josephine!_

Something hit him from below sending him up to the surface. The frigid air made his lungs throb. Every breath felt like hundreds of knifes running through his chest.

Through bleary eyes he could make out the form of an overturned lifeboat. With forces unknown to him he managed to swim over to it. His body screamed in agony. It begged him to find an end to this terrible night.

The will to live was strong within him but the cold sapped at his strength. Charles was forced to wonder if he'd survive this cruel night.

The ship of dreams indeed!

When did it become the ship of night's terror?

"Get...get on the boat," Charles gasped out.

"Help! Help me!"

"Please! Someone help me!"

"I'm scared!"

The screams sounded as if they'd never cease. Screams overlapped one another and when one faded another began.

Charles prayed he was trapped in some horrible nightmare, that he would wake up safe in his bunk and realize that none of this happened. He'd wake up and Josephine would be at his side in his cabin.

In his gut, though, he knew it was no nightmare. He knew that he was witnessing hundreds of people dying right before his very eyes and he was powerless to stop it. It was took every last ounce of his waning energy just to keep himself alive.

The pain he felt was worse than death.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

By morning Charles had instructed the men to stand on the boat to keep them from all falling into the water. They would have to move from one side to the other at a second's notice. They were cold, hungry, and frightened but they were alive.

Now all they could do was wait for a rescue they all hoped would come.

~*~*~*~

The _Carpathia_ reminded Josephine of the _Titanic_. It was marvelous in it's size but it was also a very sad place. She could hear the wails of women asking about their loved ones as a man with pen and paper went around asking names.

The Captain of the ship would try to give comfort as he could to survivors. He went from person to person giving encouraging words.

"What's your name, love?" A man with multiple sheets of paper and a pen asked Josephine.

"Josephine—Lightoller," she said. She had almost slipped and gave her maiden name. She had to remind herself that she was married to her Charles. Until she found him or his body was found he was alive she told herself.

Until she learned the fate of her parents they were alive.

She wasn't a widow or an orphan. Not yet.

"Thank you," the pale man said and went on to another survivor.

~*~*~*~

"Take them first!" Charles ordered. "Take the passengers first!"

Men reached out for the survivors from lifeboats. They were more than happy to jump into a non-capsized lifeboat.

"Easy does it," a sailor said when it came to be Charles' turn to climb into the boat.

When they reached the _Carpathia_ once again Charles refused to climb aboard until all the passengers were inside. He had earned the admiration and annoyance of the sailors around him. There would certainly be some words written pleasant and unpleasant about him in diaries and letters home.

The second Charles climbed aboard the _Carpathia_ he was asked his name by the pale man with the pen and papers. "Charles Herbert Lightoller," he said wearily. He felt so exhausted he could've collapsed right where he stood.

"Lightoller, eh? There was a woman by that name too. Is she a relative of yours?"

It was as if new life had been breathed into the weary man. "There was? Her name! What was her name?"

The man checked over his sheets, "Josephine Lightoller."

"Where is she?"

The man shrugged his shoulders, "I'm afraid I don't know where sir. Where are you going sir?"

"To search this ship!"

"But sir—" The pale man frowned and shook his head. It was no use, the now rescued officer was out of earshot. He could see Charles round the corner like a man on a mission. The pale man wondered exactly what type of mission he was on.

Charles started at one end of the ship while calling her name. Even if it took him all day he wouldn't stop until he found her. "Josephine!"

"Have you found his name?" An elderly woman asked a sailor. "Surely he must be on the list."

"We're doin' all we can ma'am," the sailor said.

Josephine's heart wrenched at the sights and sounds around her. So many broken hearts, so many broken families...

Composure be damned.

Hot tears spilled from Josephine's eyes and down her cheeks. She tried to hide some of the tears with her hand but she could not hide her shaking shoulders.

"Josie!"

It sounded like the voice was being carried on by the wind. Now even the world was mocking her. Josephine felt a sob tear out of her throat.

"Josie!"

Forcing herself to look up she saw Charles standing several yards away from her. It only took him a second to recognize her and he ran to her. He ran into her body with such force he came close to knocking her over. Had he not grabbed her in time surely she would've fallen over. "Josie..."

"Charles!" Josephine said through her tears, which at the sight of her husband had become tears of joy. She cried into his chest as she felt his arms wrap around her. She cried like she wouldn't be able to stop. She felt as if she had an endless amount of tears that needed to be shed. She didn't cry for herself now but rather for the others around her and those who wouldn't come back.

"It's all right Josie...Shhh...It's all over now," Charles said softly. He felt like crying himself but forced himself to retain his composure for her sake. "It's..."

The very last ounce of strength Charles had used to keep himself standing left him. His world went black as he collapsed in Josephine's arms.

He never heard the survivor's screams or Josephine's shouts for help.

He never saw a doctor run to them as if the demons of hell were chasing him.

The relief Josephine had felt for seeing her husband rapidly turned to fear and dread, as he lay sprawled out on the deck of the _Carpathia_.

"Get him inside and in a bed!" The doctor ordered the two nearest stewards. "Be careful with him! Support his head!" He stopped following the stewards only to tell a stewardess to prepare more tea for the unfortunates suffering from hypothermia. He told her he would have a steward to send for her and instruct her where to bring the tea.

"Yes, Doctor Lee," the stewardess said as she curtsied.

~*~*~*~

It didn't take the stewards long to carry Charles' limp body to an empty cabin.

"Don't set him down on the bed just yet," Doctor Lee insisted. He pointed to the older of the two stewards, "Get his wet clothes off." He nodded to the younger steward, "Get me some towels and blankets."

"Yes, Doctor," both stewards chorused.

What the doctor and stewards failed to notice was Josephine had followed them. She stopped at the doorframe. She stood there with one foot inside the cabin and the other in the hallway. "Doctor..."

Looking over Doctor Lee saw this disheveled and frightened looking woman. "I'm sorry ma'am but you'll have to stay outside in the hallway."

"But he's my husband."

"This isn't fitting for a woman's eyes," Doctor Lee said while shaking his head. He walked to the door and shut it in Josephine's face right as the steward was pulling off Charles' sweater.

Josephine wanted to pound on the door and scream at the people inside the cabin. She felt frustration and fear run through her veins as she was not allowed to see what was happening to her husband.

Had the situation not been so dire the steward would've laughed at the sight of his charge wearing his pajamas under a sweater and an overcoat.

~*~*~*~

Josephine's worry about Charles was coupled with anguish when she learned her parent's names were not on the list of survivors.

She didn't know what she would do, what she could do, if she lost him. Losing her parents was painful and she hoped they passed away quickly. She hoped they were together in heaven.

The waiting was the most difficult part. She had spent many an hour sitting in an uncomfortable chair watching Charles' chest rise and fall in shallow breaths. She spoon-fed him warm soup for the brief moments when he was conscious.

Josephine couldn't help but wonder one thing. ...Did Charles know she was there with him?

At night she slept in a chair next to his bedside. When people tried to encourage her to step outside she'd refuse.

She went as far as to take her meals inside her cabin. Not that she could eat much, all the food tasted like bile that became stuck in the back of her throat.

One night Josephine sat at the side of his bed as she gently stroked his dark blonde hair. "I love you, Charles," she said softly. She prayed he could hear her and could respond. "I need you to come back to me so that we can start our lives together. We can start a family together. Please, Charles."

Josephine stopped stroking his hair to slide off the bed and into her chair. She slid her hand under the blanket to hold his hand.

She felt him give her hand a gentle squeeze.

It was a good sign.

~*~*~*~

The next morning there was a gentle knock on the door followed by the doorknob creaking as it was opened. "How is he?" Harold Lowe asked as he stuck his head into the room. For a split second he blushed as if he had walked in on a private moment.

Josephine wondered what type of answer she could give Lowe. "He's..."

Blinking his blue eyes Charles stared up at the ceiling. _Am I dead?_ He asked himself. He tried to form words with his mouth but his voice would not obey his will. _Why does heaven look like so wooden and brown? I thought everything would be more...white. _

He managed to glance around him without causing too much pain. His tired eyes caught the brim of Josephine's hat that had been set on the table. _Angels wear hats? Why would they need hats? I thought angels had halos?_

It was Lowe's sharp brown eyes that caught the slight movements Charles made. "Lightoller!" He happily exclaimed.

Charles winced. Of all the things that Welshman could've done he had to shriek...

Turning Josephine saw Charles with his eyes open. "Charles!"

Great, now she was shouting. It was contagious!

"A...are w—we dead?" Charles asked.

"No," Josephine said over Lowe's laughter.

"Then...where...are we?"

"We're aboard the _Carpathia_."

"Oh...Where's Will?"

It was Lowe's turn to interrupt, "We'll tell you all that happened later."

~*~*~*~

Charles cried himself to sleep the night he learned his friend William Murdoch perished at sea. He prayed Will died quickly and did not suffer. He imagined his friend drowned at sea when he toppled overboard.

Things had been so wonderful! He married his love with his friend in attendance. When he married Josephine he entertained fantasies of inviting the Murdochs over for Christmas dinners, showing Will his first born child, them swapping funny stories about their adventures at sea. He thought they'd share their experiences and remain close friends until they were to return to heaven.

Now all of that had been wiped away by a cruel hand.

He was also forced to relive the horrible experience with his testimony at the hearings. He didn't want to remember, he wanted to forget. He wanted to forget the wretched hotel room he spent his nights in while the inquiry went on.

Charles sobbed again as the smiling face of William Murdoch entered his mind. He kept his back to the bedroom door as he lay on his side. He held the pillow close to his face to catch the stray tears that fell from his face.

He heard the click of the bedroom door and shut his eyes pretending to be asleep. He heard the soft sound of footsteps approach the bed. He felt the bed move under the weight of the guest. He felt smooth hands reach around and gently touch his.

"Charles, I'm so sorry you have to go through this," Josephine said gently to her "sleeping" husband. "I wish somethin' could be done to change it. But I do know Will Murdoch is watchin' you from heaven." She held back the information about her parents dying. He certainly didn't need that guilt compounded to the pain he was already feeling.

She didn't blame him for her parents dying. She couldn't blame him. It wasn't anyone's fault.

Leaning over Josephine kissed his cheek. "I love you, Charles."

Charles' hand slipped around hers. He slowly opened his eyes to look up at her. "I love you too," he said.

Josephine looked down at her husband sympathetically, "What can I do Charles?"

Tears began to form in Charles' eyes as a hard lump formed in his throat. "Stay with me. Please."

Josephine shifted her weight on the bed and held Charles close to her. Between sobs he poured out his heart to her. He clung to her like a frightened child as she held onto him. She kept one arm around his back as she slowly stroked his hair with her free hand. She didn't say anything, she didn't need to.

All she needed was to be there.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Charles' testimony didn't change in England. He became angry when others were accused of failing at their duties and engaged in at least one argument with his questioner. He argued that it wasn't the crew's fault that people failed to predict such tragic events. Had there been enough lifeboats aboard _Titanic_ then more people could've been saved. Lifeboats needed to be loaded by amounts of passengers, not by the tonnage of the vessel.

Charles fiercely defended White Star Line and argued over the rumors of traveling in unsafe speed, bribery, and any other unkind accusations.

By the end the senators were as fed up with him as he was with them.

Next up was Harold Lowe.

"Do you know what icebergs are made up of?" A senator asked Lowe.

"Ice, I suppose sir," Lowe answered matter-of-factly.

Chuckles came from the witnesses causing the senator to flush.

"Were you Fifth Officer aboard _Titanic_?"

"I had that honor sir."

This Welshman was infuriating!

Charles was forced to hide a smile. He liked Lowe's quick mindedness and straightforward answers. He felt Will would've been rolling around on the floor full of laughter if he could hear this.

Like Will, Lowe was difficult _not_ to like.

Single lines to shut down any conversation. Lowe was full of them today. Of course it didn't help that they were asking questions with such obvious answers...

At the end of the day Lowe was excused from the stand.

Charles took some private moments to compose a letter to Ada Murdoch. _William Murdoch was very brave...he died honorably...it was an honor to know him..._

Blinking back the tears Charles expressed his sympathy to Ada Murdoch and signed his name. He'd have the letter sent out first thing tomorrow.

The ruling that J. Bruce Ismay was responsible for the _Titanic's_ sinking annoyed Charles. There was blame to go everywhere, it didn't belong pinned on just one man.

As much bad as there was in the entire mess there was an equal amount of good to be pulled from it.

Josephine, dearest Josie, that woman had the patience of a saint to help him. There were the nights when she comforted him when he woke up screaming from a terrible dream. She was there to hold him and to rock him back and forth until he calmed down enough to go back to sleep.

"_Have you considered writing out your experiences, Charles?" Josephine asked him._

_At first he was reluctant to do so but she encouraged him still until finally half in jest he wrote out his meeting her for the first time and showed her the papers._

_She had laughed and urged him to write more. He wrote his sad stories, humorous stories, whatever he could think of. In the end he had himself a nice stack of papers that he wondered what to do with._

Gradually the hole Charles felt in his heart for the loss of his friends began to shrink. It was no longer a vast cavern that he felt he could never cross, it gradually became a crack large enough that with some effort he could step over.

Josephine never told Charles about the loss of her parents aboard the _Titanic_. She knew it would only break his heart if he knew she were to learn the truth. Charles had done all that he could to save as many as he could. Whenever Charles mentioned it Josephine would shrug and say she imagined they were happy together and in a better place.

Her encouraging him to write was not just for him but also for her. She wrote letters to her parents telling them of what she thought and what news she had.

It took a little longer than expected but Charles saved up enough to buy a wedding band for Josephine. It was his one regret that he wasn't able to give her one when he proposed to her.

Charles felt the ring in his pocket as he half ran into the house. He felt the same amount of excited energy he felt when she agreed to marry him. "Josie?"

"I'm back here," Josephine called back. "I'm gettin' ready to hang up the laundry. 'Xcuse me." She slid past Charles with a large basket in her arms.

Charles followed after her with a smile on his face. He took it upon himself to help her with the chore so he could present her with the ring. In his excitement he dropped half the things he tried to hang up.

He looked to his wife who was doing her best not to laugh. They stared at one another for a few seconds before bursting into gales of laughter.

"Oh Charles, sit down. I'm almost done," Josephine said, her laughter subsiding into giggles.

"I'd rather not sit at the moment," Charles said. He came up behind her and slid his arms around her waist. He rested his chin on her shoulder as he patiently waited for Josephine to temporally give up on hanging the laundry. When she looked at him he spoke, "I have something important."

"What is it?" Josephine asked. "Did White Star Line promote you?"

"Nooo, but it's something better," Charles turned Josephine towards him. Taking her left hand into his hand he rummaged in his pocket until he found the ring. "I've wanted to give you a ring since _Titanic_," he narrated as he slipped the band on her finger.

"Charles, it's beautiful! Thank you," Josephine hugged Charles to her.

"You're welcome," Charles said. He pulled away just enough to look into her deep green eyes.

Josephine kissed him as the wedding band sparkled in the sunlight. In this moment Charles didn't think his world could get any better.

~*~*~*~

After dinner Charles sat on the sofa with his arm around Josephine's slender shoulders. He kissed the top of her head as he pulled her closer to him.

Josephine broke the silence between them. "Charles?"

"Yes?"

"I have something to tell you."

"What's that?" He didn't blink when Josephine looked up at him.

Josephine smiled at him, "You're going to be a father, Charles."

It took him a second to absorb that. "You're going to have a baby?"

Josephine nodded. She laughed when Charles crushed her against him.

"This is the best news I've heard all day! I'm going to be a father!" Charles' face broke out into a wide smile at the thought. His expression turned serious again as he looked at her. "...I have something to ask you, Josie. If it's a boy I want to name it William."

"After Mister Murdoch?"

"Yes. He was a good friend to me."

"William it is!"

Charles couldn't help but smile, "But what if it's a girl?"

"We'll worry 'bout that if it's a girl!"

Charles had to laugh at that. Pulling Josephine close to him again he rested his head against hers. Just when he thought his world couldn't get any better it did.

Charles smiled to himself as he looked forward to the rest of his life with Josephine at his side, and imagined himself to be the luckiest man alive.


End file.
